Thoughts before bedtime

Ok, lying in bed wearing the pink tshirt I've had since forever!  Thinking about my day, my job and why chocolate never lasts more than five minutes in my flat - it's like the black hole of Calcutta for choc in here.  I'm wondering why I emailed that waste of space otherwise known as my ex boyfriend today and said a most pathetic, yes, wait for it......hello!  I mean, come the fu*k on!  What am I, 12?!!  No JB, you're 39.  He didn't reply when I left this evening and I doubt he will have done.  Maybe he's been abducted by miracle workers who have magically transformed him into less of a wan*er!

Weary Wednesday

Today I discovered I'm 'under performing' at work - feel enlightened really to find out more about myself today than I knew yesterday.  So, I'm now 'incompetent' at my job and I'm 'under performing' at it too - came home from work at lunchtime and applied for the first job I could find online whilst eating a bowl of beef ravioli and drinking fizzy orangeade - yes, I really am that rock and roll!  Work really is such bull sh&t!

Why bother?

Ok.  So today I was walking down the corridor at work with two carrier bags dangling from my right wrist full of food and in my hands I was carrying a heavy laptop, laptop cables, remote controls and a huge tray of food, one of my bosses walks through a door I'm heading towards, lets it close in my face and I'm standing there thinking to myself, ok, alright, I'll glide through the fu**ing thing shall I!  Or maybe do a Rentaghost and just appear on the other side of the door.  No apology, no nothing.  People are so rude - so why am I surprised?

Who would be a secretary?

On my way to bed but thinking about my day.  I go in work after a week of being off on leave and I think 3 people showed interest in my week off.  They're quicker to show interest if I do something they perceive as 'wrong'.  I can't ever stop thinking about why I bother.  But then today I kept muttering to myself Keep Calm and Carry On - well said!

Pensive Monday

Sitting here on the couch at 2242hrs exactly wondering why I was dumped.  Wishing I didn't hate him but it's hard not to.  I feel very confused, lost, hurt, upset and angry.  Also feeling very lonely.  Weird thing is I felt lonely with him at times.  I don't want to have to go through the dating thing again, it's so exhausting.  18 months of seeing someone and they end it with no nothing, no discussion or conversation, just f**k all.  Thanks.